Darkness has overpowered me. I think I see a light, but no, it is my own dying soul.

3 feet wide, 73 inches deep, this hole in the ground,

Is devouring me all.

Eating it up, hour by hour, day by day, while I am waiting for my fate,

To strike and release the pain I deserve, so my life can go away. 

I was 12.

I was 12, in 5th grade.

I was 12 and I wanted to die.

5th grade.

I was applying to middle school, finishing up elementary school, leaving all my friends and enemies behind in my childhood.

I was growing up, and I didn’t want to. 

God, release my soul that is sick and suffering in hopes that I may find the power to grant myself some tolerance and peace. 

I was at an age that parents prided themselves on how they had raised there spon to be as courageous and willful as they had been when they left the safe haven of their caretakers for the first time. 

But as the adult birds push their children out of the nest so that they may learn to fly on their own, I kept falling, and I closed my eyes as I waited for my body to hit the ground.

I had felt that hole inside me since I gained the ability to think for myself. 

My first word was not mommy or daddy as many of my friends had said, my first word was OK, and that has been my response to many a things that did not sit right with myself. I fell into the realm of loathing and I said OK, because I did not feel as if i deserved to turn my head away from the evil that awaited me.